Ways NOT to Ride a Cow by Lucy Waddell

Writing Rammy Winner, 8-11 age group

I’m Jack, the World’s Number 1 Cow Rider!! Well maybe the only one! This is how I managed to ride my cow, who is called Cow, a classic name! Don’t you agree?

Initially I tried to get Cow to go forward slowly and then jump on. I told Cow to move slowly, but I think it was Opposite Day, as Cow decided to go forward cheetah style! She was so fast, faster than an aeroplane! Who knew cows had speed?

Next I tried to surprise her. I crept up and leaped on her back. You know how some people like surprises? Well, cows don’t. They think you are going to milk them for 2 pints of full fat!

Maybe I needed manners? So I tried asking Cow very politely to let me jump on her and ride into town! She said “Mooooooo” which must mean “Nooooooo” in cow language.

She bolted!

Come on Google! You always have the answers! I typed into the search, “How to ride a cow?” Google said, “Please check your spelling or refine your search.” Thank you very much Google. You’re no help at all!

I was just on the point of giving up when it struck me …….

Take Cow to riding lessons! Obvious right?!?! This worked like a dream! I’m so happy, we both are. To think I came so close to selling Cow for some magic beans and climbing up that stupid beanstalk. Now that would have been a completely different story altogether…